i would punch a child for taco bell
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
