Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize