I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
