Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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