You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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