Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
