a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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