Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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