At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
