I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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