you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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