Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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