Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
