I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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