Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
