Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize