I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
