Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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