no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
