3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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