I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
