I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
