i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I want to make a zoo with you.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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