So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
