I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
