i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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