So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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