Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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