I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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