is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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