pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Fuck appropriateness.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
