I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize