Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize