i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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