ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
