I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
