yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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