This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
