Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
