If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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