You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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