my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize