Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
