she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
