What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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