Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
