So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
pop tarts are not kleenex
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
