i think my tv is drunk
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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