there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
