this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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