why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
