Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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