win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
