Where did you get a picture of my penis
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
