So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
