my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
