You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Can I color on your dick again?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
