Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
