Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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