i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
