I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
