Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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