I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
