Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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