This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize