you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
