i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize