she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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