This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
