My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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