This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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