Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
